Lights! Cameras!....Hold up, I Need to Sit.

I'm not sure if the Megace failed me, or I failed the Megace.

All last week, I had no bleeding (thanks to the Megace), and I felt great. I was super productive, did a ton of cooking, and even made way in my living room for a new couch. .I'm the producer of a short film that is filming through September, so I informed the director that I was feeling great, and I would be there for the shoot on Sunday.  And for a good 3/4s of the day, I felt great.

Then the back pain started.
And a familar fullness in my abdomen screamed at me.
And then...."hello bleeding, my old friend."

It wasn't awful -- I've certainly coped with worse --  but it was bad enough for me worry that it could get worse, and I was an hour away from my home. I sat off set for awhile, hoping it would go away. I did take my Megace about 2 hours later than normal in the morning, so I thought perhaps that my body just needed some time for the dose to catch up. When it didn't stop, I realized that I probably pushed myself too far. I wasn't doing anything super strenuous, but I was standing for long periods of time probably putting a lot of pressure on my rancid uterus. I took regular "sit" breaks, but apparently it was not enough.

I ended up leaving set early.  I spent the rest of the night on my couch, and I canceled my plans to go meet another freelance writer in the city today, because I did not want a repeat incident on the subway or during my walk to the restaurant.  The symptoms are slowing down, so my guess is by tomorrow or Wednesday, I'll be fine again.

People keep asking me if I'm nervous about surgery. Honestly, I wish it was tomorrow. Yes, I do have the normal cancer fears of waking up after surgery hearing "We were wrong -- it's much, much worse than we thought." (Note: this is not very likely.  Endometrial cancer stage often does increase after surgery, but fortunately it's usually not an extreme jump. It's far more common to see a jump from stage 1A to a 1B than from a very early stage to late stage, because the doctors can get a pretty good grasp of what they're dealing with from the biopsy. It does happen -- I've seen stories of women who thought they were Stage 1 jump to Stage III after surgery -- but it's not the norm)  But more than the fear of waking up in the recovery room and hearing bad news, I can't WAIT to be able to go somewhere and not need to keep a constant eye on the ladies room, or walk into the grocery store and think, "Will I be able to make it to the other end of the store and through the cashier in time?"  I can't wait not to worry about standing or walking too much, and I'll be thrilled to do my TaeBo tape without worrying that I'll pay for it later. I can't wait to feel like I'm living again, not just doing the absolute minimum to get by.